It Feels so Good When It Stops

Grrrrr.  A jackhammer is working on the street outside my office. It’s ruining my morning.  I can’t concentrate with the constant tat-tat-tat bouncing in my head.

Eventually the annoying clatter recedes into the background and I find myself answering emails and questions from colleagues. I feel almost normal.  Then, just before lunch, suddenly I feel great.  What happened?  Oh, yes.  The jackhammer stopped.

All of us, after a time, stop consciously noticing the negative impact of something annoying. Whether it’s a jackhammer or a stressful relationship, we will eventually tune it out.  But the background tension still remains.

My friend Brad (not his real name) was a dealer in rare coins.  He was a character right out of a Damon Runyon story and I enjoyed talking to him.  One day, however, I discovered that he had overcharged me on many of my purchases.  Then he stopped payment on a check he gave me to buy back a rare coin.  I had to hire an attorney to sue him.

That’s when I realized that Brad was not my friend and would always take advantage of me.  I decided to never see, communicate with, or do any business with him again.

Brad texted, emailed, or called me every day for three months with a variation of the same message: “Alan, I have a deal we can make a lot of money on.” Then he tried to contact me every other day.  Finally, his messages arrived just once a week.  This went on for three years.  I never responded. Now I realize he was robbing me of precious time that I could have spent with my family or real friends.  I am grateful to have my time back.

I often used to see another friend, Roy.  Over many years he became, to say the least, cantankerous.  He was always critical of me, negative about everything else, and wouldn’t tell me why.  The last time I saw Roy I felt a tightness in my chest before I walked through the door to his home,  For the very first time I realized that whenever I was about to see him I unconsciously braced myself to defend against his expected attacks.  Needless to say, I don’t have contact with Roy anymore either.

My life is much simpler when I spend time with friends and family who like being with me and who are not constantly argumentative, contentious, or passive aggressive.

This week I’ve been on vacation, and this morning I noticed that I’m enjoying myself a far more without the stress that I felt on my last vacation when a certain distant cousin joined us.  She is very “high maintenance,” and takes a lot of time and attention. “Won’t you drive me into town,” or, “I forgot to buy cream for my coffee.  Would you please go back and get me some?”

I take a vacation to relax, not to run errands for someone else.  I’m happy to help out, but with this cousin I always had to unconsciously prepare myself for her next demand.  I couldn’t enjoy myself, though at the time I didn’t realize how strongly I was affected.  As you can probably guess, I won’t spend any more vacations with this cousin.

You and I face stress every day that we might not even be aware of any more.  Your life is going to be much happier when you figure it out and . . .

TURN THE JACKHAMMER OFF.

Alan