Five Secrets of Entertaining a Group

I don’t think of myself as a professional entertainer.  Far from it.  I’m most comfortable talking with a friend at lunch or, at most, another couple when dining out. I’m outside my comfort zone if I’m expected to socialize with many people in one room.

I still remember a “surprise” party I threw for my girlfriend (later to become my wife) for her nineteenth birthday.  I planned the party for weeks, especially the entertainment which consisted of games with prizes.  I had cleverly structured the evening so that every one of the twelve or fourteen guests would win a valuable prize.  If that sounds to you like I was trying to “buy” friends, you are exactly right.  On the appointed night, even though I waited for an extra hour, two of the invited couples failed to arrive.  This put a crimp in my plans and a dent in my self-esteem.  The party was a success, but by the end of the evening I felt no exhilaration as I shut the front door on the heels of the final couple to leave. I only sensed relief and exhaustion.  There had been no major crisis, and that was about as good as I could have expected.

During the past fifty or more years I have hosted a number of parties for as many as three hundred guests.  I am more comfortable now, since there has never been a disaster. In fact, the vast majority of my guests seem to thoroughly enjoy themselves. I know this because I am often asked, “When’s the next party?” Even so, I still worry.

From my experience I offer five secrets on how to successfully entertain a group of many, even if you’re a natural introvert like I am.

1. Enjoy yourself during the party. Your guests are watching you, and if you have a smile on your face and interact with many people, they will follow your lead.
2. Invite a diverse group of people whom you like – no downers, please – and allow them to find each other. Other than for the head table, I never assign seating.  Guests are free to find old friends, connect with new friends, or, as I do at other peoples parties, locate a table off to the side with a single end seat for me so that my wife can be my human conversation shield.
3. Provide enough food and drink to satisfy everyone. I’ve been to a few parties where the food consisted of stale potato chips and the drink was one bottle of diet coke to be shared six ways.
4. Get out of the way and let it roll. At the midpoint of my recent 75^th birthday party, with 275 invited guests, my party planner Jeanne pushed her way through the crowd to whisper in my ear, “Alan, I’ve lost control of the party.”  And, indeed, she had.  Everyone sat down for dinner forty-five minutes late.  It was impossible to hear the piano player over the clamor of conversation.  And the magician cut his act, not his assistant, in half because everyone was having far too much fun talking and scarfing down cake and ice cream to pay attention to him.  The party was an outstanding success.
5. On a vacation with many family members or friends, I plan one event a day (usually breakfast or dinner) which everyone is expected to attend. This provides a bit of structure and the opportunity to share experiences.  Otherwise, the vacation, like a party, is a free for all.  Some guests may enjoy bungee jumping, hiking, or horseback riding.  Others may turn to golf, shopping, or reading a book while relaxing near the swimming pool.  All of them will figure out what they would enjoy most, and I don’t have to organize anything, other than for myself.

Of course, if all else fails I might pass out some of those expensive party favors saved from that “surprise” nineteenth birthday party I worried about so many years ago.

Alan