Happy 100th Birthday, Dad

We all may be intuitively aware that wisdom comes with age.  My dad will be 100 years old in July, and I must say that he has revealed a great deal of wisdom in recent years.  This means that perhaps, at 74, I still have much to look forward to.  Recently I was excited to learn that scientific studies now agree – wisdom comes with age.

In an extremely well-written New York Times article, journalist Phyllis Korkki reviews some of the most interesting research about wisdom and the wise of the world.

This article provides an overview of the work of several social scientists, including (but not limited to) geriatric neuropsychologist Vivian Clayton, University of Florida sociologist Monika Ardelt, Stanford psychology professor Laura L. Carstensen, and psychologist Daniel Goleman (bestselling author of Focus and Emotional Intelligence). Each of these pioneering researchers has in a different way sought to define, through careful research, what this elusive quality actually is and what kind of people possess it.

Much of their findings are instinctive, but there are two components of wisdom that I find particularly interesting: First, wisdom takes time. In our compulsive age of “I want it now” mentality, it’s all too easy to undervalue time and life-experience, two essential components of the wisdom equation. Like a good scotch, it takes a long time for our many insights and life experiences to mature into true wisdom. Secondly, wisdom is about much more than simply being clever or smart. Our emotional capacities such as compassion and empathy are equally if not more important than intelligence in the development of wisdom.

While there’s no substitute for reading the entire article, which is both well-researched and compelling, I’ve listed some of the different aspects of wisdom that Kirkki describes as most commonly found in the various studies cited in the article.

Wise people are:

·         Not just smart (one researcher defines wisdom, as Cognition + Reflection + Compassion)
·         Decision makers
·         Generally older. Wisdom takes time
·         Able to perceive subtle distinctions and nuances
·         Compassionate and kind to others
·         Able to see other people’s perspectives
·         “Generative,” which means that they give without expecting anything in return
·         Simple in the way they live their lives
·         More aware of themselves
·         Able to improve themselves
·         Able to accept reality as it is
·         Less self-centered and neurotic
·         Better able to deal with hardship
·         Comfortable with ambiguity and paradox
·         Less afraid of death

I spoke this morning with one of my sons who is approaching 50.  We talked about how each of us is now better able to take challenges in stride, and not carry a large collection of anger and grudges around with us every day.  I mentioned to him a woman I lived with many years ago who sued me after we separated.  She now has some serious health issues, and I voluntarily help with her expenses.  Last week she asked if I would mind if she spends part of the money to buy food for the local food bank.  I applaud her. 

The story is told that Abraham Lincoln once met a man who claimed he was the reason that Lincoln was elected president.  Lincoln thought about it for a few moments, then slowly shook his head, saying, “So you’re the man who got me elected President.  Well, I want you to know.  I forgive you.”

Thank you, Dad.  I applaud you, forgive you, and wish you an especially happy birthday this year.

Alan

P.S.  I highly recommend that you read the entire article. You may be the wiser for it.