How to Effectively Improve All of Your Relationships in Three Easy Steps

If I were to take my four-year-old grandson to the Los Angeles Main Library, show him a few books, and tell him that he should learn to read, how well would he succeed without further instruction and supervised practice?

You’re right.  Not well.

In our schools we teach many core subjects, including reading, arithmetic, history, and geography.  As a society, however, we seldom teach how to get along with other people in an effective and consistent way.  Instead we assume that our children will learn relationship skills automatically at home and by simply interacting with others outside of our home.

No wonder we tend to read, however imperfectly, better than we handle relationships.  If our parents scream, we learn to scream.  If our parents lie or reward lying, we tend to lie.  If our parents hit, we learn to hit. Unfortunately, we leave the teaching of effective relationships to people who very often are the least able to teach it well. Accordingly, cycles of dysfunction and violence tend to perpetuate.

There are many parents who practice love and patience.  But some do not.  In any event, I find that with a strong desire to do better in relationships, anyone can improve.

For example, when I began my business more than fifty years ago I blamed someone else for every failure.  After all, my hindsight is perfect.   But in effect I was discouraging everyone who worked with me. They were unwilling to take any chances, and often hid their mistakes from me.  This was not a good way to manage people or run a business.

I have written about a number of tools to improve relationships in my weekly blog.  One tool that I have written about before but that I can’t emphasize enough, is this:

Does what you say to others meet three tests — Is it truthful, kind, and necessary?

I can’t overstate the life changing effect of this simple three-prong test. If everyone employed it in their dealings with others all of their relationships would immediately improve for the better.  And when your relationships improve, your life follows suit.

This idea was not drummed into me at an early age, so I have to remind myself of it – often (and now I am reminding you of it as well).  I suggest you do the same, and in an effort to pass it along, please model it to your children and grandchildren.

I thank you.  My wife thanks me.

Alan