Let’s Not Add Insult to a Relationship
Most marriages begin with deep love and high hopes. Over a period of time, however, love fades, high hopes languish, and the relationship becomes burdened by disappointment that is revealed in overt and covert disapproval.
This decline can be prevented, and my faith was restored on a flight from Dallas when I sat next to Hank, a tall Texan, who spun the following tale which gives me hope for all of us.
“Alan, this morning Angela, my wife, left the lights on in our bathroom. Again. Now that used to bother me because every time I leave a room I hear my father’s voice warning me to ‘Turn off the lights when you leave the room. Electricity is expensive.’ Dad was sure thrifty.”
“So what did you do this morning?”
“Well, when I found the lights blazing this morning, long after the sun was up, I turned them off. Angela was gone somewhere. She’s been really busy and, frankly, I don’t mind her few – I call them ‘misses by the missus’. I just smile and take care of the problem myself, including the occasional dirty dishes in the sink.”
“So burning lights and dirty dishes don’t bother you?”
Alan, not any more. No, sir. When we were first married four children ago we had the following talk.
“Angela, when you left this morning you left the bathroom lights on. Again.”
“Oh. Right. Hank. And did you leave your pants on the floor? Again? Did you put your shoes on the shelf?”
“Uh, well . . . “
“And when was the last time you washed your car? Or should I say, when was the last time you had it washed for you?”
“Alan, she used to call these ‘messups by the mister.’”
I smiled. “Hank, in my life I’ve had similar experiences. We’ve all have disappointments with our life partners.”
“Yup. Y’know, Alan (he patted me on the shoulder), I learned a long time ago that when I complained Angela just complained back more. And I know I‘m not perfect. So I just plain gave up pickin’ at her, and she let go of pickin’ on me, and now we get along just fine. I figure that nitpicking is the losing side of life. I look at her wonderful caring for me and the kids, and I’m real happy with the total package. Why bother with what, back on the farm, we called “hog tying a greased pig.”
I laughed. “Hank, you should talk to my dad. When I was twenty-one, and getting married for the first time, he said to me, ‘Alan, don’t expect your wife to change. Take her like she is and enjoy the heck out of your life.’ Of course, I didn’t listen to him. What do parents know?”
“Son, I’m a guessin’ that you and I have both learned a lot in our time on this planet.”
On my way home from the airport in Los Angeles I ran my car through a car wash. I was getting tired of those bird droppings which had been on the roof of my car for weeks.
Yessiree.
Alan