Living Well Is the Best Revenge

Have you ever been emotionally offended by another person?  Of course.  The underlying question is:  What, if anything, should you do about it.  You have three basic options:

1. Try to hurt them worse.
2. Talk to them to resolve the hurt and prevent a recurrence.
3. Do nothing. Think of your anger as a small bowl filled with water.  Simply put it out in the morning sun to evaporate.

Let’s consider the benefits and burdens of each alternative.

Retaliation can be fun.  Especially in the planning stages.  A friend never shows up for your dinner party, and offers no explanation.  Why not invite them to another dinner party for a later date when you will be out of town?

But should you actually retaliate?  Do you really want to start a Hatfield vs. McCoy type feud that could last for years?  Do you need additional stress in your life?  Or guilt? Do you really want to assume the morally shaky ground of playing tit for tat?

I have never been a fan of retaliation.  Why should I bother?  I have more constructive and enjoyable activities to attend to, such as writing this blog.

Talking to each other is good.  If you have a close or continuing relationship, then the two of you might have an open and honest conversation.  The risk, of course, is that navigating hurt feelings can be tricky and the conversation could be unproductive – or worse – degenerate into a shouting match, with additional hurt feelings on each side.

If the issue is serious, or can’t be resolved by the two of you, enlisting the help of an outside advisor might help. Sustaining relationships with close friends and family is well worth working through the occasional hurts whenever possible.

Do nothing.  As a devout pragmatist I prefer this approach, especially with people with whom I don’t have an ongoing relationship.  No fuss, no muss, no bother.  Occasionally someone deliberately tries to hurt my feelings.  My reaction is to enjoy my own life even more.

I’ve heard it said that holding on to your anger against another person is like consuming poison and hoping they will die.  That does not appeal to me.  The choice to move on in your life might seem weird at first, but with practice it will become second nature.

Living well is good.

Living well as the best revenge is even better.

Alan