Love Is a Four Letter Word

When my three oldest children, who are now in their fifties, were between four and seven years old, their mother and I divorced.  This meant that most weekends I took them on an excursion.

One morning, as we drove to an air show, they started using the “F” word.  After fifteen or twenty minutes one of them said, “Dad, we’ve been saying ‘F’.”

“Yes, I noticed.”

“But you haven’t said anything about it.”

“True.  Why should I?  ‘F’ is a word like any other word.”

“Mom gets really upset and won’t let us use that word when we’re with her.”

“Well, there are some words that some people object to, so when you use those words, including ‘F”, you need to consider who you’re talking with and what result you want.”

Apparently they were just testing me, because they stopped using that word after they got no reaction.

There are other emotionally charged words you have to be careful with, especially the other four letter word: “Love”.

In a deposition years ago the opposing attorney questioned me about my practice of signing business emails with the word “Love.”  Those emails had been sent to a man.

“Do you often sign business emails “Love,” he asked.

“Yes.  I do.”

He looked at me strangely.

I am fully aware that the word “Love” is loaded with emotional associations, and can be used as a genteel substitute for “sex.”  But many years ago I began to sign “Love” on emails to people I cared about. The first time was to the wife of a close business associate of more than 50 years.

I don’t recall if she went first on this or I did, but I admit that I felt then and still to this day feel a twinge of “will I be misunderstood?” when I say “love” to others in this context.   What I am intending to say is that “I really care for you and wish you well.”  This has nothing to do with romance or sex.

The word “love” is so potentially problematic that it is often avoided when it should be used.  Ted, a newly married friend of mine, told me that he said “I love you” to his new wife every single evening for six months.  She said “I love you” to him only twice.  He knew that she loved him, but for some reason was reluctant to say so out loud.

During the past three weeks I have received a large number of supportive cards and emails, and most are signed “Love.”  I am so pleased to have so many friends who are willing to use that four letter word, trusting that I will understand their meaning.

And I know that all of my children say “love” a lot more often than that other infamous word – the one that begins with “F.”

Love,

Alan