My Bias for “Yes”

We all have many preferences.  My preferred color is red.  Years ago my wife preferred blue, but she has improved.  Now she likes red and pink.  One of my favorite foods is blue cheese.  Many people can’t stand the stuff.  I occasionally try a sip of white wine, but alcohol contains lots of calories wrapped in a horrible taste (notably red wine), and doesn’t relax me in any way.  For some, wine is the focus of their lives.

We live out our preferences by acting on them.  I drive a red car, enjoyed blue cheese on toast for breakfast this morning, and when I was young lost a number of friends because my wife and I failed to serve alcohol with dinner on several occasions.

I imagine that few people share all three of my preferences.

But I do have one strong preference (or bias) that I would like to persuade you to share.  This is my bias in favor of saying “yes.”

My three older children are now in their fifties with families of their own, but I still remember when they were three, or five, or fifteen, with nothing better to do than ask me for things.

“Daddy, Daddy, I’d like some blue jeans.”

“Shut up kid.  Red jeans look better.”

“Daddy, Daddy, I want some Cheerios.”

“Shut up kid and eat your blue cheese and marmalade.”

“Daddy, Daddy, can I have a sip of wine?”

“Sure, kid. Ten years after I die.”

Those are fantasies, of course.  But I’m making the point that, all day long, my kids asked me for things.  It wore me out.  Our conversations became shorter and shorter.

“Daddy, Daddy . . . “

“No.”

Just like my own dad before me, I don’t like to turn people down.  My dad’s style was to get so angry when I asked for something that I finally stopped speaking and started sneaking.  His style worked, but I never thought it was optimal, especially from a kid’s point of view.

So, many years ago, I decided to change the script.

“Daddy, Daddy . . . “

“Yes to whatever it is you want.”

“Huh?”

“I trust your judgment, so I say “Yes.”

“But I didn’t even tell you what I wanted.”

“I trust your judgment.”

After they started to believe me, something strange and wonderful happened.  First, my kids and I enjoyed a much closer relationship.  Even better, their judgment improved.  They stopped asking for the sun when all they really needed was the moon.  More and more they learned to trust their own instincts instead of trying to discover mine and argue with me about them.

Best of all, I consciously began saying “Yes” to my wife, my friends, and my business associates.  We all enjoyed each other’s company a lot more, and “Yes” opened my life to many superb experiences.  For example, when my daughter invited me to be her “date” for a friend’s wedding last Saturday I said “yes.”  We enjoyed a wonderful day together.  And the wedding, on a small Laguna beach, was absolutely delightful.

I’m not suggesting that you say “yes” to everything.  I do suggest, however, that unless you have a good reason to say anything else, you set your bias, as I do, on “Yes.”

You will love your new self.

Yes?

Alan