Perfection is Impossible, So Stop Expecting It

Expecting perfection can be problematic in life. Whether you’re always looking for the perfect mate or ever-searching for a more perfect career, obsessing about perfection can leave you perpetually unsatisfied and get in the way of your own happiness. That’s why, years ago, I developed a simple philosophy that I call, the “80% Solution.”

When I start to feel unsatisfied with some dimension of my life, whether it’s a job, a relationship, or an employee, I mentally list all of the strengths and weaknesses in the package. Then I compare my assessment to my vision of perfection.

If the picture adds up to at least 80% of my ideal, then I will happily stay with what I have, and not spend a single second considering alternatives. If the “score” is between 60% and 79%, then I might start looking. Below 60%—it’s time to make a change . . . the sooner the better.

Here’s an example. Many years ago, a friend told me about a real estate broker who, she claimed, was excellent, and asked if I would be interested in meeting him with an eye toward replacing my existing full-time broker, Danielle.

I always aim to improve my business and my life, so I gave serious thought to that question. I mentally assessed Danielle’s strengths and weaknesses, compared them with my ideal, and found that her score was 87%. Not perfect (who is?) but quite high. After reflecting for a few days I called my friend and said that I was very happy with Danielle and didn’t care to meet a possible replacement.  Danielle and I have now worked happily together on real estate for more than forty years.

The 80% Solution is especially powerful in the realm of romance. Is your spouse or partner perfect? Not if you’ve lived with him or her for more than a few days. The proper question is not, “Is he or she perfect?” The useful question: “Is he or she good enough?” And if he or she is good enough, then I say magnify his or her positives and minimize their negatives. I know many couples in which each partner has confided in me that their spouse is not perfect, but many have been together for more than twenty-five years.

The 80% Solution works. Granted, this method is entirely subjective, but what in your life isn’t? Your 80% might not be my 80%, but it is your 80% and that is what is important to you. Maybe you are more particular than I am and will only settle for a score of 90% (Good luck with that!). Maybe you’re more laid back than I am, and 70% is fine for you. No problem. Maybe you prefer a different score for different situations. Live it up, create a matrix. The important point is to pick a standard, and live with it, and them.

The 80% Solution can be applied to many parts of your life. Everything considered, does your job score 80% or more in your mind? If it’s only 40%, what is preventing you from getting the heck out?

My cousin Laura called me recently. “I want a divorce,” she said.

“Laura, you called me ten years ago and told me the same thing.”

“I know. But this time I mean it.”

“So leave him, Laura.”

There was a long pause. “But I like to interact with someone when I get home at night.”

Maybe “someone to interact with” was worth 80% all by itself. More likely, Laura is using a different scoring system than I am, and will accept a low score because she fears the unknown.

You can also apply 80% Solution to yourself. Are you at or above 80% of your ideal for yourself? Think about it. You can’t very well eliminate yourself from your life, so if you’re not quite there yet your task here is to bring your own score up to whatever you want it to be.  You can accomplish this in two ways: lower your expectations, or improve your own score. Either route has its challenges, but if you follow one, or both, I’m confident that you’ll be far more satisfied with yourself and your entire life.

Alan