Pineapple Fluff

For me, and perhaps for you, one of the more difficult emotions to deal with is anger.

My father used to get angry a lot.  If he was worried about money he stormed around the house and the rest of us stayed out of his way.  When I asked for something he didn’t want to give me he shouted.  When I broke the glass table in the living room . . . well, I won’t go further into that.

As a husband and father I did what had been modeled for me.  When I was concerned about money I got upset with my family.  When my children asked for something I didn’t want to give them, I yelled.  And if my wife crossed my path at the wrong moment . . . well, I wasn’t very nice.

Fortunately for me, and for my family, I studied with an outstanding psychiatrist, Paul Ware, many years ago.  His approach on anger was simple.

“We only get angry for one of two reasons,” he said.  “Either we are not getting something we want (such as money), or we are getting something we don’t want (such as a broken living room table).”

That made sense to me.  And it still does.

Paul continued, “So if someone is angry with me, I say to them that they seem angry, and being angry is no fun.  I then ask them what I can do right now to help them let go of their anger.”

“What if they won’t tell you,” I asked.

“Good question.  Then I say that I want to help, I will remain available, and as soon as they figure it out please let me know.”

“What if they want something unreasonable,” I asked.

“Then I tell them I can’t, or won’t, do that, and would appreciate an alternative.”

Several years later I was at the original MGM Grand hotel with my wife Daveen.  This was when they operated a Jai alai court which was, for me, a pleasant place to gamble away the evening at a relatively small cost.  Each game took twenty or thirty minutes, and there were a number of ways to bet, similar to horse racing.

I always wanted to arrive for the first game, since I was eager to start losing my money.  The first evening I was in the casino playing blackjack, and Daveen was supposed to meet me at the elevator on the ground floor at a specific time.  In those days we didn’t have the convenience, or annoyance, of cell phones.

I was ten minutes early to the elevator.  When the appointed time came, no Daveen.  I called up to our room.

“I’ll be right down.  I’m having a problem with my dress.”

“Please hurry.  The first game is in 15 minutes.”

“I’m hurrying.”

You’re way ahead of me, so I won’t draw this out.  For whatever reason Daveen was twenty minutes late and by that time I was furious.  It was going to be another one of those evenings in which I would sit next to her with smoke coming out of my ears.

But Daveen and I were both studying with Paul Ware.  As we entered the Jai alia facility she said, “I know you’re angry, and being angry is unpleasant.  What can I do right now to help you let go of your anger?”

What I wanted to say was, “No way, b****, I’ll teach you a lesson.”

Fortunately, what I actually said was, “I would like you to buy me a Pineapple Fluff.”

Daveen was baffled.  “A Pineapple Fluff?”  She was concerned that I wasn’t serious.  I was.  I loved that drink, which I’ve never seen before or since, and I wanted to set a good example for the next time she was angry with me.

“Yes.  A Pineapple Fluff.  Large.”

“I would love to, darling.”

She bought the drink and delivered it to me as I was handicapping the second Jai alai game.

Daveen smiled, more sweetly than the drink.  “You are most welcome,” she said.  Then she kissed me.  Again, I had to set a good example.  I kissed her back.

I must admit that I’m human, and I don’t use Pineapple Fluff all of the time.  But when I do, it’s quite delicious.

Alan