Remembering

In a sense, our lives are a collection of memories, over which we exercise some degree of control.

The saddest letter I’ve ever read was written by my grandfather to my father, many years ago.

My father’s dad had retired to Florida.  My dad had moved to California to pursue his career in music.  Phone calls were expensive, so they communicated through the best alternative available at that time – snail mail.  After a number of years Dad suggested, “When we write to each other, let’s remember the happy times, and save our grievances for when we meet in person.”  That sounded like a reasonable request to me.

Grandpa responded. “I can’t remember a single happy time we ever had together.”

Ouch!

You might not be surprised to learn that my dad cut off further communication, and did not attend his father’s funeral.  My dad’s estrangement from his father is one reason I made it a point to visit Dad often. We were both committed to sustaining our connection.  Dad called me many times a week, but never stayed on the phone for more than a few minutes.  I imagine he was concerned about taking up too much of my time and risk losing a relationship that was important to him.

I have a lot of happy memories of my father.  When I was young he took me deep sea fishing many times.  Our family vacations were always a treat.  I still remember marveling at Victoria Gardens on Vancouver Island in Canada on one of our week-long journeys.  I cherish the memory of my dad beaming at his 100^th birthday party surrounded by more than one hundred beloved guests.

In curating the moments of my life, I put my happy memories on top.  I prefer to enrich my life each day with joy, rather than grievances from the past and fears for the future.

Let’s laugh at our past mistakes, remain optimistic about our future, and fully embrace all of the happy times we’ve enjoyed.

Your assignment, should you choose to accept it, is to share a happy memory with three or four people you see today.

There is a line from Alice in Wonderland where the Queen says, “Why, sometimes I’ve believed as many as six impossible things before breakfast.” But I always seem to misremember it as: “Sometimes I think of a dozen happy thoughts before breakfast.”

It’s never too early, or too late, to remember a happy time.

And while we’re at it, there is no better time than today to create additional happy memories for tomorrow.

Alan