Suffering is Optional

We can’t control everything that happens to us.  We might encounter unexpected health problems (such as my two surgeries earlier this year), the death of a loved one (my dad last May), or the dissolution of a close relationship (for me, early in 2018).  

We can, however, control our reaction to what happens.  I choose to respond with thanks and optimism, especially to a continuing problem or great disappointment.  I’m not saying that a positive response is always easy.  It’s not.  I strongly believe, however, that a positive response is always possible, and that it becomes easier with practice.  As Nietzsche wrote in 1888, “What does not kill me makes me stronger.”

My health has always been excellent. Until I was seventy-nine I’d only had one major surgery and that was an appendectomy when I was fourteen.  Then, unexpectedly, earlier this year I had two spinal surgeries. I’ve been told that my recovery will take at least a year, maybe longer, and might never be complete.  So what are the positives?

1. I’m closer to my family.
2. I better appreciate the value of working.  While I’m at my desk I’m unaware of my physical problems because I’m focused on my work.
3. My physical health will end up better than ever because, for the first time in my life, I’m exercising every day — even when I don’t have an appointment with my physical therapist or personal trainer. 
4. During the past few weeks my mood has improved, probably because of my exercise.
5. I’ve met two friends who have recently had similar surgeries. Although they’re younger than I am I’m encouraged because I think I’m recovering better than they are.

I’m at peace with the loss of my dad because we saw each other often and our meetings were always positive. I’ll give him a lot of credit for that.  I remember the important lessons he taught me, as well as all of the travel and other wonderful experiences we enjoyed together for almost eighty years.

As for relationships, I still remember a statement from the Harry Browne book “How I Found Freedom in an Unfree World.”  To paraphrase, he wrote, “Every time I’ve left a relationship my next relationship has been better.”

I’ve followed Browne’s advice, and it has usually worked for me.  After all, the most important relationship is always my current relationship, and that is going extremely well.  Could it be that my wife and I have each learned a lot and we’re better at getting along with each other than we were twenty years ago?

Health problems, deaths, and breakups can throw any of us off temporarily, but perpetual suffering is optional.

Alan