The Comfort of Truth

One of the most important priorities in life is how you deal with truth.

As I have written in my book People Tools for Love and Relationships, when I was a kid I lied to my father a lot.  I knew that if I admitted that I took a pumpkin from a vacant lot without permission I would be punished.  If I lied and said that I had gotten permission there was a chance that I would get away with my deceit.  A small chance.

I seldom lied to my mother, other than about the ten dollars I once took from her purse.  I think she must have known I had stolen the money because for a month or two I bought a lot more comic books than I could possibly afford on my allowance.

When I started in business I had one of those “come to your senses, you are a grown up now” conversations with myself, in which I decided that in business I would always tell the truth.  But, to tell you the truth, my decision was not based on moral grounds at all.

I simply realized that I didn’t have a great memory for conversations, and I knew that I couldn’t possibly remember what story I had told to what person. But I knew that I would keep out of trouble by always telling the same story – the truth.

For the past fifty years I’ve enjoyed many conversations with business people, and I’m totally comfortable in talking about something I told them two months or two years ago.  I never need to worry about being “caught.”  Thanks, Dad.

How about truth telling from others?  I’m not talking here about the little white lies we tell each other to preserve one another’s feelings. I’m talking about outright deception where someone is not telling the truth with wrongful intentions. I find the world to be a pretty unpredictable place, especially if you don’t know who to trust. I don’t know who will be elected President but I do think politicians running for office hide their true thoughts.

The problem in dealing with lies and liars is simply this:  if I can’t believe everything you say then I can’t believe anything you say.  In other words, if you make fifty statements to me and one of those is a lie, how can I possibly know which one?  I can’t.  So even if you only lie to me once in a while, I will have trouble believing anything you say.  That makes me uncomfortable.  Very uncomfortable.

Trusting your family, your business associates, and yourself is an essential part of feeling comfortable in your own skin and in a world filled with others. Trust is built upon truth.  Trust is destroyed by lies, even if those deceptions are rare.

What is your own priority about dealing with the truth?

I’ll end with a joke.  At least I think it’s a joke.

“How do you know when a lawyer is lying?”

“His lips are moving.”

Have a nice week.

Alan