The First Time

I remember a dream from years ago.  It was not my usual nightmare of trying to outrun a tidal wave or forgetting how to use my phone in an emergency or being chased by evil men who wanted to hurt me.  This was a dream about love.

In my dream a young woman I didn’t know asked me to make love with her. It was her first time.  In my dream I was also young, though with some familiarity of the process, and I wanted her experience to be supreme, for the first time is the bell that rings in our hearts and minds for the rest of our lives.

Nothing more happened in my dream.  She shyly asked, I considered how I might respond.  Had I remained asleep, this might have been my advice.

When you make love for the first time, choose your time and your partner carefully.  This may take years, or it may take as long as shrugging off your robe.

You must choose so you can throw your whole self into the sea.  You must open your eyes to him and search for his soul.  You must open your eyes and allow her to see your soul, your longing, your enchantment, and your fear.

You must then touch in the way that seems right to you.  Your touch should be gentle and intimate but not invasive, both asking who he is and telling who you are.

You may be silent and focus on who you are, who she is, the feeling and meaning of what you are doing on all levels, physical, emotional and spiritual.  You may focus on being in the moment, or remembering the moment, for memory is our universal scrap book.

You might disturb your solitude with unrestrained screams, and hope that the neighbors or your parents are not at home or have temporarily gone deaf.  Or you may hope they are smiling at your first experience and remembering their own.

Enter fully into yourself and her and your intimacy with nothing held back, as if this is not just the first but also the last time the two of you will ever completely share yourselves while on this earth.  And it is true.  You will never be the same.  She will never be the same.  Should you marry and share the same bed for seventy-five years it will never, and should never, be the same.

Each glance, each touch, each word is for now and for the first time and the last time.  This moment, your body, your soul, your heart should be honored, full and complete in this time and at this place, and with this person you chose who will always be more than you imagined.

And, when you are spent, please laugh.  Share the laughter of your new found familiarity, of your relief that it really happened, of the knowledge in your bones that you experienced something amazing and unique  and it will never happen that same way again.

And finally, before you yield to the temptation to roll over or simply cuddle into sleep, you must open your eyes to her and openly reveal your newly naked soul.

Love,

Alan