The Three G’s of Relationships
In any relationship, whether it’s a brief encounter with a stranger, a social engagement with a friend, or dealing with your partner on a daily basis, everyone benefits from observing the Three G’s of Relationships.
Those Three G’s are:
- The Givens.
- The Give-ins.
- The Give-ups.
The “Givens” are what we mutually expect from one another in a particular situation.
For example, when I am checking out of the grocery store, it is expected that I will place my groceries onto the check-out counter. The checker will scan each item, tell me the total I owe, and then I will pay for my purchases before I take them to my car.
One of the “Givens” for me in a marriage relationship is knowing when my partner and I can expect one another to be home in the evening. Other people might have different “Givens” in their relationships, but that is something that is established by the participants in accordance with their own situation and desires.
The second G, the “Give-ins,” are what we have to give in to. When you’re walking on the sidewalk towards another pedestrian, who goes left and who goes right? Personally, I pretend I’m driving, so I stick to the right lane. That usually works. If not, the stranger and I need to make eye contact to figure out how we will get by each other. If the other person isn’t moving out of my way, I might have to “give in” and move to the left.
In a close relationship one “Give-in” might be that your partner wants to sleep later than you. Then you might leave the lights off and drapes closed in your bedroom and move as quietly as you can to let them sleep undisturbed. We all have our “give-ins’ in a relationship, those compromises we regularly make to keep each other happy.
The third G, the “Give-ups,” are what we each need to let go of. Basically, we need to give up a part of our autonomy.
In business we are normally expected to work a certain number of hours each week and also might be expected to show up at our place of work by a specific time on specific days. For most this means we can’t sleep late on a weekday, or go fishing, or stay in bed and read a book. Not always being in control of your own time is one important kind of “give-up.”
Another might be privacy. In a close relationship a “give-up” might be agreeing to carry a cell phone, and/or letting the other person know where you are so they don’t worry. These are just some of the sacrifices we make in exchange for a happy relationship.
In addition, it always helps to be respectful. That should a “Given” in every relationship.
The Three G’s. Easy steps that will hopefully help you get along happily with others.
Alan