The Ticker Tape

I am an invisible man. . . . I am a man of substance, of flesh and bone, fiber and liquids—and I might even be said to possess a mind. I am invisible, understand, simply because people refuse to see me.

-Ralph Ellison
The Invisible Man

I agree with Ralph Ellison and I am, at least in part, “an invisible man.” How is it possible not to be? I have so many thoughts and feelings that it is impossible for me to convey to you all that passes through my mind. Also, I am selective. That is a polite way to say that I edit before I talk. If I think that you will dislike certain words or ideas I will trim my speech to suit your taste. I will censor myself in an attempt to avoid your disapproval. (And, of course, there are certain topics, which “nice” people simply don’t talk about.)

All of this is perfectly normal. But occasionally I want something which is going to slip away from me forever unless I act immediately and make myself completely visible. This was the case when I first met my wife Daveen more than thirty-five years ago. In the 2011 movie We Bought A Zoo the leading man, Matt Damon, advises his son that to woo and win his ladylove he needed “Twenty seconds of insane courage.”

That is exactly what I needed to woo and win Daveen.

Daveen was working at a rare bookstore. I was a customer. One day she caught my eye while I was discussing a rare book with the owner. I don’t know if you believe (as I do) in love at first sight but I knew instantly that she was the one for me and I worked up the courage to ask her out to lunch.

As soon as we were seated Daveen said, “I can only think of two reasons why you asked me to lunch. First, to offer me a job. Second, you want to date me. Which is it? Because I don’t date customers.”

Daveen was, and is, clear and straightforward. By habit I am often less direct.

“Well,” I said, “I wasn’t going to offer you a job.”

Not subtle. Daveen began to rise, and I didn’t think she was headed to the ladies room. I knew if I didn’t act decisively and immediately in that moment she would leave and I might lose her forever.

“Wait a minute,” I said. “We’re here, so why not enjoy our lunch. I’ll tell you exactly what I have in mind.”

She hesitated. On the spot I invented the People Tool of Ticker Tape. I just blurted out whatever came into my mind. No holding back, no censoring. The game was almost over and there was a significant chance I might lose her forever if I didn’t act instantly. “Give it a shot,” I thought. So I spoke from my heart.

“I do want to date you, and at this lunch I’m going to try to persuade you to go out with me. And I’ll tell you right up front that, when I try, I can be extremely persuasive.”

I don’t remember what I said next. It was probably mushy and might have been embarrassing to me if I had thought about it in advance, but I didn’t. I just kept talking. Daveen sat down. She appeared to be interested. The more I talked, the more interested she became. She stayed for lunch. After my Ticker Tape monologue was over, we talked.

At the end of our lunch together Daveen agreed to join me on our first real date — a weekend in Las Vegas.

So when you’re really stuck and have nothing to lose, just blurt it out as honestly and sincerely as you can.

Ticker Tape. It worked for me. I won the prize. And now I think my wife appreciates that People Tool as much as I do.

Alan