…To Forgive, Sublime
Last week I shared how my doctor mixed up the results of my blood tests with those of another patient, an error that could have had significant health consequences for me. In the aftermath of such a significant mistake, how should I have reacted? With anger or recriminations? Or maybe by finding myself a new doctor?
I’ve seen the “satirical” comment, “To err is human, NOT to forgive is even more human.” While that may be true, not forgiving carries with it a significant emotional price tag. I’m sure you have made mistakes, as have I, and that you’ve also been affected by the mistakes of others. But if I were to remain upset by every mistake made by me or someone else over the past 84 years, I would be carrying around a lot of baggage of useless anger, and I would be miserable most of the time.
Is forgiving sublime? Well, I think that idea is on the right track, if a bit overstated.
In discussing this with Daveen, she reminded me that, years ago, and at great personal risk to herself, she loaned a friend $6,000. The friend, who lived in another city, failed to pay her back. As a result, one of Daveen’s credit cards was cancelled. Understandably, she was quite upset.
I suggested that she might want to forgive her friend. Daveen settled instead for “letting go” of her anger. And letting go is plenty good enough. Letting go lets you move forward in your life without carrying around all that unhappy baggage.
Given the option of enjoying a life filled with positive thoughts and memories instead of allowing the past to cast a dark shadow, the choice seems simple. I choose to live my life unhindered by negative emotions from my past.
Not only does letting go impact your happiness, it preserves important relationships. My father used to correspond with his father through written letters. His father’s letters were always filled with memories of past problems between them. My father suggested that they focus on positive memories in their future correspondence. My grandfather’s response was, “I can’t think of a single positive thing in our past.”
Understandably, my dad stopped communicating with his father. He also refused to attend his funeral.
In the words of Rodney King, “People, I just want to say, you know, can’t we all get along?”
I agree, Rodney. Thanks for those wise words.
Alan