“Today Is a Good Day to Die”

I have always loved this declaration, especially because I thought it was originated by Crazy Horse of the Lakota Sioux whom I admired for living more closely to the land, and to his people, than I do, having grown up in Los Angles, which is, of course, embarrassingly close to the seductive fantasies spun from neighboring (and surrounded) Hollywood.  Just gaze up at the sign in the hills of Griffith Park, which originally read “Hollywoodland,” and was erected to advertise a housing development.

Since I am a careful writer who engages in extensive research I quickly Googled “Today is a good day to die!” only to discover on Wikipedia that this is “a quotation widely but inaccurately attributed to Crazy Horse before the Battle of the Little Bighorn.” Perhaps, Crazy Horse said this or something like it. Perhaps not.  But even so, I still like the phrase, and often repeat it to my wife when we awaken in a particularly joyful frame of mind.

Why do I tell her that?  Is it because I believe I’m actually going to die that day?  Not at all, even though my death is certainly possible at any moment.  Is it because I want to spoil an otherwise promising day?  Not in the least.  I want to enjoy each day to its fullest.  Is it because I want my wife to appreciate me and realize that I won’t always be with her?  Nope.  She loves me every day regardless of reminders.

I like to tell her this when the day is fresh and all is well to remind myself of all those wonderful days I have enjoyed in the past, and which I deeply appreciate.

When I sleep my dreams are usually nightmares, with real or imaginary villains chasing me.  They are always trying to
hurt or kill me, and I am always unable to run or hide from them quickly enough.

Strangely, though, a few weeks ago I dreamt that I was somewhere in a grey limbo, my body floating in space, and realized that in ten or fifteen seconds I would die.  There was no bargaining, no escape.  I wondered, in my dream, about how to best use those few seconds remaining to me.  I immediately felt a flood of gratitude that welled up from my chest.  My heart, my body, my entire being joined in saying, “Thank you.  Thank you for the great gift you have given to me.”

Today is a good day to die.

Today is a good day to live.

Alan