Traditions Are, Well, Transitory

Every Sunday morning, once or twice a month, I used to host a brunch at my home for my extended family and friends.  The food alternated, though it was usually deli, as did the people, though my parents were always there.

But shortly after my mother died, more than twenty-five years ago, our Sunday brunches ended.  To this day, I don’t really know why.

Do I miss that tradition?  Yes, I do.  It was fun to regularly share food, news, and a running game of pinochle with my dad and brother. And no, I don’t miss a tradition which had completed its course.  The riverbed remains in my soul but now runs dry.

Last week I received an email from Jan, a close friend of mine.

“Should I remove our Dec 26 breakfast at Katy’s from my calendar?  Guess nothing should be entered with indelible ink!!”

Jan referred to a breakfast we had shared with our friend Nadine for many years, always on the morning after Christmas day.  I told Jan, “No, I won’t be there this year.”  This tradition, too, has flowed through my life for the last time.

For more than thirty years my extended family and friends, including Jan and Nadine, have gathered in Carmel for four or five days around Christmas.  We shopped for gifts together, enjoyed eggnog in front of a crackling fire, and competed in an annual cribbage tournament that was always run with a firm hand by my sister-in-law Carolyn.

The day before Christmas I used to spend hours preparing my special spaghetti sauce for Christmas day.  On Christmas Eve we gathered at Tarpy’s, a local restaurant, for dinner and my father’s legendary “lottery” of one dollar-bills (last year grown to twenty-dollar bills).

In the afternoon of Christmas day most of us would go to a movie at the local multiplex.

And finally Jan, Nadine, and I enjoyed our annual December 26 breakfast together at Katy’s restaurant, always Jan’s treat.

No more.  Almost a year ago my wife of thirty-five years and I separated and our family customs changed

Will I miss our Christmas tradition?  Yes, I will.  It was fun to reunite with loved ones, share food and news. I will miss the cribbage tournament which I lost in the finals many times but finally won last year. And no, I don’t miss a tradition which ran its course.

I’ve always been one to dwell on the bright side of my life, so this year I’m starting a new tradition. This Christmas you’ll find me, diet soda in hand, sunning myself on a cruise ship in the Caribbean. My dad will be joining a close friend of his, using those twenty-dollar bills to tip the waiters on his cruise to Acapulco.

Traditions can be wonderful, but it’s also important to allow room for the new and fill your life with change and growth.

After all, the traditions you begin today will be those you look forward to in the future, and back on as they become part of your treasured past.

Alan