Two Words to Change Your Life – I’m Sorry

Today, in the age of Attention Deficit Disorder, hundreds of texts each day, and short sound bites, I suggest that the regular use of two words will change your life.  They could have changed mine.  Those two words are, “I’m sorry.”

I was in a dental office several years ago as the dentist tried to screw an implant into the gum of my lower jaw. I’m sure the Dentist did the best job possible, but I have a low pain threshold.  I easily feel hurt, both physically and emotionally.

Every time I winced, the dentist said, “I’m sorry.”  Make no mistake, his was a full-throated and attentive, “I’m sorry.”  It was not its orphan stepchild, the quick, detached, “Sorry.”  He said “I’m sorry” so well that I was sure he really cared about my pain.  But when both the pain and the “I’m sorrys” continued for more than twenty minutes I felt the lidocaine of “I’m sorry” wear off.  My mouth hurt every time he touched me and I became mistrustful and, finally, upset.

I remember this scene vividly because few dentists, or dental hygienists, seem to care about my pain as much as I would like them to.  Possibly their minds and emotions have been dulled to caring about their patients.  And that is what “I’m sorry” is all about.  It tells me that you care.

For years my friend Roger has said to his wife every evening, without fail, before they fall asleep, “I love you.”  That’s nice. It’s something we all should do.

But recently he accidentally dropped a hammer on her foot. She screamed in pain, Roger said without thinking, “You should have stayed out of my way.”

Ouch!  Maybe he was embarrassed, maybe scared that she was hurt, but Roger responded coldly.  His wife told me later that Roger’s single “You should have stayed out of my way” wiped out an entire month of nightly “I love yous.” She no longer believed in the “I love you” because her husband had failed to give her a single, appropriate, “I’m sorry.”

I’ve learned to say, “I’m sorry,” a lot.  Maybe not enough, but a lot.  I say it as soon as I realize I have hurt someone.  I’m not embarrassed, I don’t feel I will lose face.  If I am criticized with, “You darn well should be sorry. You were careless,” I say, “You’re right.  I was careless.  I’m sorry.”

I recently cut in front of another car.  Then the driver raced his car ahead of mine, forced me to stop, and jumped out of his driver’s seat to confront me.  I opened my window.  “Sir, I’m sorry.  I was wrong.  I’m really sorry.”  He glared at me, but silently returned to his car.

“I’m sorry” is one of the most effective and needed lubricants in the tool box for human relationships

One of the lines in the pop song Me & Bobby McGee is, “But I’d trade all my tomorrows for a single yesterday.”

I might well have traded all my tomorrows and remained in every relationship I have ever left for a single, timely, “I’m sorry.”  Two words I say often, but have probably not said enough.

Alan