Vive La Différence

The way I heard the story years ago is that members of the national French legislature were debating a law that would have treated men and women differently.  The arguments were hot and heavy, with one legislator contending that men and women are essentially the same and should be treated as such.  When his opponent insisted that men and women were different, a voice from the back of the chamber spoke up loudly to declare, “Vive La Différence!”

In any relationship I used to assume that the other person – you – was just like me.  After all, I’m pretty wonderful, so why shouldn’t you be the same?  And if you’re different – you eat yogurt for breakfast and I prefer scrambled eggs – then you must be wrong.

Today I think the idea that my skills and preferences are superior to yours is not only silly, but it is also destructive and prevents me from freely acknowledging that where we differ you might be right.  Also, our differences can make our relationship more interesting.  After all, I might, just possibly, learn something valuable from you.

For example, I plan my life so that I’m generally on time (unless I have an appointment across town — I seldom allow enough time for traffic).  Why shouldn’t everyone else plan their life just like I do?  Why shouldn’t everyone be on time (unless traffic is heavy)?

The answer, of course, is that everyone is not on time because they’re different.  They have a different – not worse, but merely different – relationship to time than I do.  This used to be an issue between my wife and me.  After many years I finally decided that her more relaxed attitude might be better than my up-tight-tapping-on-my-watch approach, and that the friction between us wasn’t worth it.  In the great scheme of things does it really matter if we start lunch at 12:15 instead of at noon?  There is always something interesting I can read on my cell phone.

Several of my children are vegans. I enjoy dining with them at a number of the vegan restaurants in town.  Who knows, they might be right, and I most likely benefit from eating fewer animal products.

So now I make it a point not to be insular or arrogant about my choices, and to embrace the preferences and abilities of my friends.  Perhaps I mean this in a different context than was originally intended in the French legislature, but I’m in full agreement with the idea –

Vive la Différence!

Alan