I Want You to Like Me – 5 Tips

When he was young, one of my sons told me, “Dad, the secret of getting along with other people is to always be sincere. If you can fake that, you have it made.” I’m not going to comment on his statement (which was intended as a joke) other than to say that faking sincerity is not the best idea, even if you’re good at it. You might end up fooling yourself.

Even if you’re not running for public office, to succeed in life you need other people to like you. You need friends. And the more people like you the more successful you become. Here are a few tips:

1. Like Them First. If you want someone to like you, like them first. And let them know that you like them. Don’t leave it to chance. Don’t be proud. Don’t try to play “hard to get.” Say to them, “I really like you.”
2. Listen, Listen, Listen. The three most important factors in real estate are location, location, and location. The three most important elements in business are management, management, and management. The three most important factors in being a friend are to listen, listen, and listen. People love to be heard. Years ago a business associate of mine complained about his problems. I made suggestions, which he always rejected. We both ended up frustrated. This continued for more than a year. Finally, he said to me, “Alan. I don’t want your suggestions. I just want to complain.” Bingo! I got it. That was one of the best bits of relationship advice I have ever been given. I changed my approach. I began to listen to him without offering suggestions. Our improved relationship has lasted for more than forty years.
3. Give value. When you spend your money, you look for value. When you spend your time with someone, you also look for value. Be enthusiastic about a friend’s successes and supportive when they fail Find out what your friends like by listening to them. Provide as much of what they like as you can. If my mom had listened to me, she would not have given me a scratchy wool sweater for my birthday present four years in a row. She would have given me a game or a toy.
4. Keep your relationships balanced. Give as much as you receive, if not more. No one likes to feel taken advantage of, and an unequal relationship will not be satisfying to either of you. This advice works both ways. Don’t let yourself end up being taken advantage of either. Mutual give and take is the foundation of every good relationship.
5. Be there when it’s important. One of my daughters loved her dog Bryce. So did I. One morning Bryce was chasing a squirrel, ran into the street, and was hit by a car. Bryce died in my daughter’s arms on the way to the animal hospital. My daughter’s boyfriend at the time had previously scheduled a camping trip with other friends, and left an hour later. He was gone four days, and wasn’t there when she needed him. Shortly after, my daughter moved on.

I think I’ll modify what my son told me years ago. The secret of getting along with other people is to always be authentic. Once you have mastered that, you won’t need to fake anything.

Alan