Will You Please Do Me a Favor?

How do you respond when a friend asks you for a favor? While this situation may seem quite ordinary, your answer actually says a lot about the level of trust between the two of you.

When asked for a favor, most of us will reply, “It depends on what you want.”  After all, an immediate “Yes” seems like signing a blank check on which the other person can fill in whatever amount they like.  Despite this possibility, I decided years ago that I would always answer with a smile and say, “Sure.  I would be happy to do you a favor.”

Have I ever been sorry?  Has anyone ever asked for a loan of ten thousand dollars?  Or to borrow my new car for a two-week road trip across the country?  Or to help them rob a bank?  These things have never happened.  Not once.  I find that people who ask me for a favor always have a clear idea of what I will and will not do for them. I have never had to change my answer or turn anyone down.

By saying “Sure,” even before I know what the favor is, they know that I trust them to ask me for something reasonable.  Trust is the indispensable glue that connects us to each other. It is the same glue that holds our entire society together.

Think about it.  If I didn’t trust other drivers I would never ride in a car.  If I didn’t trust a pilot I would never board an airplane.  If I didn’t trust my bank I would keep cash under my mattress.  (This assumes that I trust the government to back up their promise that my dollar bills will be worth something.)  Every day we trust people we have never met.  So why shouldn’t I trust a friend?

But the issue goes deeper than that.  When someone asks for a favor, to me the underlying question is really this:  “Do I trust myself?”  Do I trust that I will be able to deal appropriately with a situation in which I may have to reverse myself even after previously saying “Sure”?

When we get married we each say “I do,” and we mean it.  We intend to be together for the rest of our lives.  For better or for worse.  For richer or for poorer.  But sometimes we can’t keep that commitment. Very few decisions in life are final.

Of course, there are some people who just plain lie.  They borrow money with no intention of repaying it.  They promise to meet you for lunch but cancel if a better opportunity comes along.  They accept a job, then quit two weeks later.

This is why trust grows between two people only with time and experience.  Every successful encounter creates greater confidence. This is why large companies spend billions of dollars to establish their brands. They are building trust with the consumer. We trust Apple, or MacDonald’s, or Jiff Peanut Butter based upon our previous experiences.  Or we don’t trust them.  Our personal experience, favorable or unfavorable, is what counts.

I choose to trust other people, including strangers, but I also keep in mind the words of Ronald Reagan who, when talking about a treaty with a foreign power, said, “Trust, but verify.”

I choose to be open to new people and new experiences.  I like to say, “Sure.”  I enjoy opening new doors to intimacy and adventure.  My policy has worked well for me and for those who know me.  It can also open doors for you.

So will you please do me a favor?  Next time someone asks for a favor, seize the opportunity.  Smile and say, “Sure.  I’d be happy to.”

Thanks.

Alan