You Can Accomplish a Lot in Fewer Than Four Minutes

Years ago I was privileged to study for a week with Paul Ware, a psychiatrist who lived in Shreveport, Louisiana and specialized in treating adolescents. At the end of the workshop each of his students were given the opportunity to talk with Paul privately for fifty minutes.

I don’t really remember what we talked about when it was my turn. But when we were finished Paul said, “Is there anything else?”

I noted we only had four minutes left.  “There’s not much we can do in four minutes.”

Paul disagreed. “Give it a try,” he said.

“Well, there’s one other thing that bothers me.  Six months ago my fifteen-year-old son got angry. He left my house to go and live with his mother.  He has refused to talk to me ever since.”

“Go home and apologize,” Paul said.

“But I didn’t do anything wrong.”

“I understand.  Do you want to have a relationship with your son or not?”

“Of course I do.”

“Then go home and apologize.”

Even though I was almost forty at the time, Paul’s advice was difficult for me to accept, but back home I arranged to see my son.

I told him I was sorry he was upset and apologized.

The room seemed to brighten and he accepted my apology.

We hugged and have enjoyed an excellent relationship ever since.

Obviously, that’s a very big deal for both of us.

I’m not necessarily suggesting that you apologize for anything, especially because we both know that you are always right.  I do, however, suggest that that you can have a life-changing experience in fewer than four minutes.  Like the thirty seconds forty-one years ago when I first saw Daveen working at a desk in a friend’s office.  Today we have three terrific adult daughters.

And unless something distracted you, I’ll bet that reading this blog took fewer than four minutes, although I’m not certain about the life changing part.

Thanks.

Alan